Do you know how to kiss a girl? Just about every boy gets nervous at some point at the thought of actually kissing a girl. Because, how does that even work? Well lads you’re in luck because Pepsin Listerated Gum maker, Common Sense Gum Company, published step-by-step instructions of how to kiss a girl way back in 1911, and they have aged incredibly well.
Really, besides email, nothing has changed much over the last 100+ years. I mean, boys still dress like mailmen, and bonnets haven’t ever really gone out of style. Also, frequent “sighing” is common to break the sexual tension.
Anyway, without further ado, let’s look at exactly how to kiss a girl.
Here are the instructions for how to kiss a girl:
- Stand facing her
- Do not tell her your intentions
- Do not ask permission to kiss her
- Look dreamily into her eyes
- You may hold her right hand in your right hand, if you wish
- It is well to sigh a couple of times about this stage of the game
- Whisper softly that her rosebud lips remind you of cupid’s bow
- She will probably drop her eyes and blush when you say that
- Place the fingers of your left hand under her chin and tilt back her head slightly
- Draw her gently towards you
- Do not hurry
- Gaze deeply at the love lights which slumber in her eyes
- Sigh once more
- Incline your head towards hers until your lips – BUT WAIT! Do not kiss her until you know that she uses Listerated Pepsin Gum, the only antiseptic gum in the world, the only chewing gum that makes it safe to kiss
- If she is a Listerated Pepsin Gum girl, then kiss her
OK, got all that?
It seems that the sighing is key, so don’t forget. Girls love a guy who sighs a lot. So, in conclusion, here’s a closeup of that all-important money shot once again:
“I kissed a girl and I liked it,
The taste of her cherry chapstick…” – I Kissed a Girl Katy Perry
I have a couple of thoughts at this point:
- Perry doesn’t mention anything about a “Pepsin girl” or anything about an “antiseptic taste” in her song. However, Pepsin clearly states that it’s “the only chewing gum that makes it safe to kiss”
- I notice that Pepsin doesn’t specify “boy or girl” in the actual kissing instructions, so I have to assume it’s a similar technique either way?
Anyway, they say that Listerated Pepsin Gum is “the only chewing gum that makes it safe to kiss,” so here’s a little more about it.
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Listerated Pepsin Gum “Steadies the Nerves”
So, what exactly is Listerated Pepsin Gum? Well, it’s “germ proof” and “guaranteed,” plus it’s recommended by doctors and athletic directors, and has won 14 gold medals. So, you know it’s good.
Looks like back in the early 20th Century, you could get a pack of Pepsin Gum for 5 cents, and apparently, it “steadies the nerves.” That’s probably why it was “used by submarine crews in many naval services,” and a welcome bonus for boys planning to kiss a girl for the first time.
Here’s another vintage ad for Listerated Pepsin Gum:
One More Retro Pepsin Chewing Gum Ad
OK, now that you know how to kiss a girl, here’s one more Listerated Pepsin Gum magazine ad for you to enjoy and ponder:
OK, hopefully, these illustrated instructions clarify exactly how to kiss a girl, and you also now appreciate the importance of the Listerated Pepsin Gum Trademark. Thanks for stopping by Wonky Pie!