A Happy Weigh-In, 200 Pounds Gone Forever: I certainly didn’t expect to end this week with the emotions I’ve been feeling in the past 12 hours. From the run last night to this
Weight Watchers Meeting Weigh-In Week 67: Another week, another weigh in. Sometimes I am bogged down by the repetition of all of this…the tracking, the weigh ins, etc. But I do snap
I didn’t go to weight watchers today, partially out of work commitments/running late and partially out of shame. I did however weigh myself at home. It was dramatically ugly as right through
The state of my house, laundry and such is still laughable however. I ate good, mostly clean food. I made smart choices most of the time, and I owned my not-so-smart choices.
98.0 lbs lost on WW to date
Frustrating. That I didn’t go off the rails this week and still saw a gain led me to do some trouble shooting and I suspect that this gain has its cause in three probable suspects, and the reality is probably a combination of all three in some form.
1. Hormones: A reality of women-hood and nothing to be done about that in terms of my response to a gain, but the timing is right.
2. Poor estimation: Every week there are a few meals that don’t translate easily into WW points. This is because I may be at a local restaurant that doesn’t post nutrition information online, or visiting someone’s house and having something someone else prepared so I am not privy to the recipe. It also happens at times, especially when away from home, I estimate my portions. This week held several of those types of events – including two meals on Sunday away from home. While I tracked Weight Watchers to the best of my ability I may have simply mis-estimated and eaten more points than I suspected. Considering that the majority of my weekly points went to Sunday it could have easily happened.
While I can be more vigilant about portions and measuring with my Weight Watchers tracking this week, I don’t know that I need to change much here. After all, there will be times estimation is necessary, and I am generally and honest estimator.
3. The nursing points: For weeks I have been slowing reducing my pumping and breastfeeding of E2. When she turned 1 she was still very reliant on the bottle at daycare especially but over the last 4 months we’ve gotten her off of bottles at school.
*Related: WW Free sign up here!
I kept things up more to get her through her surgery to hopefully give her a few more antibodies as she kept fighting those ear infections, but in the last two weeks she has given up nearly every bottle (an occasionally early morning one if dad gets up with her first), and I only regularly breastfeed at bedtime. Even that is becoming unreliable as I often work in the evenings.
So at worst I pump once a day at best I pump/bf 3 times a day now. I have been clinging to the 7 points extra I receive for nursing part time, but I have been suspecting that I am no longer producing enough to require than many extra points. When I saw today’s gain I knew that my time with those beautiful extra nursing WW points were done. While estimation and hormones can contribute, this is one area that I can change and hope to see a difference.
So as of today I am down 7PP each day. It is a brutal shift but I made it through today. I stopped at the grocery store and brought some fruit back to the office to give me some snacks and while i used one weekly point today (on a bit of chocolate – see reason #1) I made it through the day on the reduced points.
I am hoping that after a week or two I won’t miss those points too much, but for now their absence is very obvious. Still I knew that it was coming for a while and it was time.
I am hopeful that making this change might mean I break the century mark at Weight Watchers next week. I’ve been so close for so long, but even if I don’t, it is time to face the facts that I simply don’t burn enough calories breastfeeding to justify the extra points any more.
There is sadness to losing the points, and an additional sadness in knowing that E2 is nearly weaned, but on the other hand it will be nice to reclaim my time and my body from the effort of feeding a child. And frankly I am going to give myself a big #NSV pat on the back for nursing/pumping for 16 months! It is not an easy thing and I am proud that I stuck with it.
So that is what is up with me this week. I hope to be reporting a good loss next week, assuming I survive the loss of that many WW points!
Weight Watchers Week 59 Meeting | WW Week 61 Meeting
In fact, when WordPress ate a post all about this on Sunday night I just gave up and went to bed. I meant to get back to post, but I’m still just playing catch up. Despite ALL of that going on, I did have an ok week. Yes, I ate birthday cake (and a birthday cupcake).
In fact I had sweets far more often this week than normal. HOWEVER, I tracked all the Weight Watchers points and factored everything into the rest of my eating too. As a result, while I used my weekly WW points, I did not go off the rails and I still lost weight this week.
99.2 lbs Lost on WW to Date (133.6 lbs Lost total)
Boom. Go me!
To have the week I had and still stay on track is HUGE for me. HUGE. To have cake and to compensate by making other good choices is huge. To not emotionally eat out of exhaustion, anxiety or stress….huge.
And to realize that I am currently the smallest weight I have ever been since at LEAST my sophomore year of college (maybe earlier)….HUGE
*Related: New WW Special, Free Signup!
It blows my mind to think of myself as being under 250lbs (just barely but under nonetheless). I spent so much of my adult life trying to stay under 350 (because that was somehow better at least – a sign of not totally giving in to food).
I enjoy being this weight so far and am still planning to lose more but we are quickly coming to uncharted territory. I am a size away from my “small” high school size. I am now at weights that I don’t remember seeing because it was at an age where that number was so horrific to me that I couldn’t face the scale without crying. Now here I am facing those same numbers and cheering.
In between those times I’ve learned to love myself, no matter what the scale says, and I truly think that helps manage this weight loss roller coaster immensely. My worth is not caught up in a number on a scale. I use it to help measure my success because I want to be healthy but not because I want to satisfy some ideal of beauty.
Maybe it is easier for me. I have always been an introvert, a geek, a bandie, an academic, a weird person. I am used to not quite fitting in, and I wear my awkwardness with pride (most of the time). I rarely ascribe to things society tells me I should do, be, like or wear.
I chose what I like. In that way, I don’t have to fight for some unattainable goal, but can focus on being the best me I can be. Right now that involves weight loss. Hopefully someday it doesn’t, but that is still a ways away.
No matter what I can look at my pictures to day and say to myself, “Yes, I am really doing something amazing.”
WW Meeting Week 58 | WW Meeting Week 60
98.6 lbs Lost on WW to Date
– 4 lbs total on Weight Watchers
Doubt, the anti-companion of any attempt I’ve ever made at weight loss waged its first attack in an all-too familiar internal battle: The part of me that thinks this is too hard and too overwhelming vs. the part of me that wants to believe it IS possible for me to reach a goal weight.
Monday night, my restlessness had reached critical mass and I knew that some kind of action was required. I took a long walk and weighed my options. There weren’t many of them.
- Not Quit
As soon as I gave myself permission to think about it that way, like I had a choice in the matter, I knew exactly what I wanted.
I wanted to wear any dress from any store of my choosing to this year’s Christmas parties.
I wanted to know that my situation is not hopeless.
I wanted change.
I wanted the self-assurance I remember feeling two years ago when I had lost 55 pounds.
A memory of that time cut suddenly into my thoughts and I remembered a day when I’d gone to Charming Charlie’s and found the perfect pair of boots to slide over my size 10 skinny jeans. I don’t even like selfies, but I sure did take one and put it on the blog that day. Then I’d gone to Whole Foods and eaten lunch from the salad bar. It was incredible to feel so at home and so free and so in control of my own body.
(By the way, the expense of WW is all in the food, which you have to buy completely by yourself)
I clung to that memory for several blocks, running through it again and again, recounting the treasure of it, and each time different details came back to me and it would become more complete. I remembered that I’d found this joy over not needing unhealthy food. I really liked healthy food I and liked that I had become picky about what I put into my body. I enjoyed making sure vegetables were part of at least two meals a day.
The discovery of what a healthy body feels like had been nearly intoxicating and vastly more enjoyable than any high I’d ever gotten from processed sugar. At that very specific point in my journey, I didn’t know what it meant to feel angst over food choices. That battle had been won and the temptation of overeating had lost.
The sliver of hopefulness that came out of my reminiscing was just enough, and in a moment of clarity I knew I needed to fast on Tuesday. It would be a chance to detach from the intensity of losing weight and get a change of perspective. So I did. It was frustrating at moments. At others, it was awesome. When I fell into bed that night having proved to myself that I am not a slave to food, it was well worth it.
So I’m not quitting. Elle
The walked the fine line this week of too much food. I ate all my weekly points in one fabulous night out with the family, but then I used a few activity points and just in general pushed it with my portions. My estimating was sloppy. And last night I finally went over on ww points after having a crabby day and simply not caring enough to be strict on my portions.
As a result:
94.0 lbs lost on WW to date
All gains are annoying but in the scheme of things this is salt and a bad night on Tuesday more than a failed week. Today was a better day and I was able to make good decisions all day long. Sometimes the greatest gift I can give myself is the ability to shrug off a ho hum week and start again.
I guess I can see the appeal of meal delivery diets, as counting points takes some effort. However, diets like Nutrisystem are expensive, and I’d like to stay with real food if possible.
It is hard to remember on hard days but there really is always a new chance to start over. A bad decision yesterday doesn’t mean I need to make one today.
So despite a slight gain I am doing fine. I am awash in non-scale victories – TWO pairs of size 18 pants fit me now, I am getting good comments from people I know, I am staying on top of things at work and feeling confident, my light is helping, my kids are currently well.
Oh, and the most exciting of all – I get to lead a small group discussion at Fitbloggin’ this year! Woohoo!
Sometimes our progress is not about the scale after all.
WW Weigh-In, Week 53 | Weight Watchers Weigh-in, Week 55 (missed meeting)
I went to a party with some friends on Saturday night. I had a little cheesecake and some trail mix and used most of my weekly points. That was fine, I stayed close to my dailies the rest of the week and even manned a cookie table for 2 hours on Sunday at a sledding event for church.
Anyway, at the party we were talking about weight and my friend and I realized that we are wearing roughly the same size right now, but it was different. For her it was a high weight and she was working to turn things around and starting a new formal weight loss program this week. For me it is down 100+ lbs from E2’s birth. I am near the lowest adult weight I can remember.
Are we both overweight? Certainly and we are both working to improve it, but it is mind boggling to think that I’ve lost 100 lbs and still am morbidly obese and yet, when I see my picture there is so much progress there!
I am not certain what my point is here, other than to be aware that what you see may not reflect what you think that person’s story is. If you met me for the first time you may not know I’ve lost as much weight as I have and think I am just another overweight mom.
At my heaviest I remember scanning the room ever time I went into it. If I were the largest person there I would feel uncomfortable. If I had company in my size I felt safer knowing that I was not alone. Weight issues are messy, losing weight is hard, so be mindful of who you meet and what you say.
Despite that tangent I had a solid week. I tracked and did some meal planning that helped. And I saw some results on the scale:
-2.4 Pounds Lost
94.4 lbs lost on WW to Date (128.8 lost total)
Most importantly I have nearly lost all the weight from my holiday trip up/winter depression issues. My light continues to help and I am working hard to be productive as it helps me be more positive with my thinking. I am not “cured” just yet, but I am having more good days than bad ones and for that I am grateful.
I did go to the gym on Monday, not to work out but I went swimming for 1.5 hrs with E1 who was off school. It wasn’t quite “going” to the gym, but it did get me feeling like I might have the courage to get back there soon. It wasn’t as intimidating as I’d thought.
Well, my break is over and I have church programs starting soon so I’ll touch base again later. In the meantime, thank you for your support and keep on fighting for your health. You are worth it. (I am too).
- I am proud of me.
- I am proud because I weighed in
I wanted to quit.
What I did instead was go to my meeting, weigh in, pick up a balanced lunch from Byerly’s, and track my food. I also unboxed my new sun lamp, sat there for 45 minutes and joined in on #wwchat tonight to get support from my fellow Weight Watchers on Twitter.
86.4 lbs lost to Date with WW
It is a frustrating number, but not half as frustrating as the mental war I have been waging as I try to remind myself that I can do this, and that I am worth it. It is so cold out.
There has been so much sickness through the family. I am just so tired that I really just want to eat and sleep – since I have to work and care for the kids sleep is limited so my go-to is eating.
So yeah, it hasn’t been pretty around here, but I am still fighting. I made good choices today and I did NOT give up. That is a victory.
Weight Watchers Weigh In 50 | WW Weight In 49